I'd forgotten the down side of working.  My feet really fucking hurt.

I quit my job.  I'm not all that happy with myself, I let my emotions control me, which is so not good in the workplace.

I totally wigged out.  work has worn me down to the bone, and it's not funny.  I literally couldn't finish my shift yesterday, I was too sore, my feet too swollen and my joints were making nasty noises with each step.

This is what I get for working full 8 hr shifts for a couple of days in a row.  I'm so not in shape, and it's totally showing.  I had to leave after only 4ish hours yesterday, and sit with my feet up and take pain killers, do the heating pad thing, etc.  Even today, I still hurt.  I'm going to have to take more before I head into work today; thank the gods the manager is letting me do only six hrs today instead of the 8 I was scheduled for.  

I need to go to the gym; it's the only answer.  I need to get in better shape, or this is going to happen again.  Thankfully, I have sunday, monday and tuesday off, then I only have a 4hr shift on wedesday night.  yay!  

My mother, taking pity on me, bought some MSM, and other suppliments to help me out.  Hope they work.  Otherwise I'm going to end up with ulcers from taking too many pain meds.

my body tells me I should be at work right now.  covering the sandwich meats and deli salads with plastic wrap, in fact.  Or distressing them... I can't remember right now, lol.

I spent a fair bit of mullah on my kiddies today; wheee!  it's fun to do xmas/solstice shopping, other than I have to get over the weirdness of buying almost ex a prezzie.  Yeah, in the spirit of the season, we're giving each other gifts.  I haven't a clue what to get him... and no, an ice pick in the back isn't right either.  

I've gotten used to not being married, sort of.  I miss the companionship, and I think it's a real bummer that he thinks I'm still wanting him back and therefore won't be in the same room with me for longer than necessary.  Oh well.  His loss.

I'm doing better at socializing with my co-workers and customers.  Sort of.  In my less than self-confident moments, I have to think that some of my co-workers think I'm inept.  And one girl, who was initially quite friendly, now gives me the cold shoulder whenever we meet.  I don't know why.  It bugs me, but hell, who needs her?  I don't know why, I honestly can't think of what I did to alienate her, but it's not my problem.  we can work together without being friends or even friendly.  So who cares?

I'm also managing to chat up the customers on occasion; it's fun, which is weird.  I'd forgotten how nice it can be to just have a casual conversation with a complete stranger.  It's slowly coming back to me though.  The last 'real' job I had was selling clothes in Lake Louise; this isn't much different, really, other than people at the grocery store tend to know what they want!  a definate plus.

I still need to develop a social life.  but it's slightly less than one week till xmas.  I should probably wait till after new years to find various venues to explore.   I'm still seriously thinking about toastmasters.  they'd make public speaking (like, my job????) easier, as well as making friends.

I'm thinking of putting up a profile too in some of the online dating sites; but not yet, we're not legally separated (still) and that's not fair to either me or the guy in question.  assuming there ever was a guy.

gotta think positive.  I've been reading tons of books on how to make friends, but remembering it is hard.  I get out in public, and I automatically hunch my shoulders, I don't smile and I duck away from meeting people's eyes.  Yeah, I have a lot to work on.  Fortunately, working with customers is really fixing that too.  I tell myself to check out what colour people's eyes are, and that really helps.

anyway, I haven't anything to rant about, or rave over either (though I did just read 'My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding', which is pretty good), so I'll sign off and consider trying to get to bed early.  I'll probably be working tomorrow night (or I might be switching shifts with a co-worker) and so I'll need a good night's rest behind me.

wow, two days of working 8 hr shifts (3:30 - midnight) and I feel like it's almost a day off since I don't have to go in today till six!

Anyway, I was surfing my friend's blog, and he has a link to this interview with David Duke.  Scary scary scary, I can't say enough 'scary's, man.

Thought I'd put in a brief post, since I have to head off to work in an hour, and I still have to get ready (I hate putting on makeup).

My winter insomnia is definately in full swing now.  I tossed and turned, after trying to go to bed at midnight last night, got up at 2 am, had a smoke, trying to ignore how very wide awake I felt, then crawled back into bed and passed right out.  2 am seems to be my fall-asleep time, which is bugging me.  I need to be awake in the morning!  I have a 2 yr old running around, and being sleepy while she's up and bouncy is never a good combination.

I can sleep in the morning.  I can sleep in the afternoon no problem.  But try and sleep between 10 and 2 am?  Not possible.

I work till midnight (plus however long it takes to finish up, which usually means leaving at half past), so most likely I'll get to bed a little after 1 am.  It's the same schedule for tomorrow and I think thursday as well.  And I work this coming weekend 3ish till midnight both nights.  Gah.  It would be awesome if only I could sleep till around 11am, but that's not going to happen.  I'm getting very exhausted with this schedule.

I'm going to have to start popping wake up herbs in the morning, and sleepy ones at night, lol.  Oh dear.

Besides being rather accurate, lol, I was watching the video on youtube (yes, again) and caught yet another geek dig; the 2 second reference to Star Wars Kid.  I finally saw that for the first time last month, and now that I have, my eye snagged on seeing it parodied in W & N.

Anyway, I worked three nights in a row, which isn't the norm, lol, and it was a lot harder than I'd have thought.  and then I realized; I take care of my kids during the day, so figure in 7-9 hrs there, then 4-6 of walking/bending/washing/etc of being a deli grrl.  So if I'm having a 'lazy' day, on days I go into the grocery store I can end up at midnight with a minimum of 11 hours of work during the day.  Tuesday I worked 11 hrs, wednesday I did 14, and thursday I did 13.  Only getting paid for the deli work, of course.  Life was much easier as a SAHM, sigh.

I decided to spurge, and spent half my pay cheque.  The other half will go towards bills, so that's okay.  Next pay cheque I won't spend any of it on myself, so I'm not too concerned.  I probably won't again till after the new year, since I now have 3 pairs of work pants, and soon I'll be getting a second work shirt (through the store).  woohoo!  Anyway, in addition to my third pair of work pants, I also bought a cute red top and my first pair jeans in a decade.  Wow.  

As I mentioned to mightyjalapeno, my separation has led to one good thing, in some weird twisted sort of way.  I have a lot more self confidence and I love and respect myself a hell of a lot more.  I didn't want to wear jeans cuz I was fat; now I simply don't care, so long as the jeans look good and I feel good in them (which I do!).

I'm way tired, had to stay at work an hour after my shift ended (unpaid of course) cuz of the mess earlier people left.  Grr.  Of the three others who were there for the evening, the new girl (and I mean girl too, she's all of 15) doesn't want to be there, so she does things half-assed, another girl was hiding in the back & avoiding doing any real work and the third, normally a really fast worker, had a cold.  I tend towards slow but methodical, so between us all, by the time I was on my own at ten pm, there were still three sinks of dirty dishes, the salads were a mess & unfilled, and the sliced meats were way too heaping.  Lol, by ten pm, it's the salads which should be heaping, and the meat shallow.  Sigh.  A quarter of the cleaning had been done, so instead of having my normal work load (which keeps me busy until midnight on any night) I had a lot extra.

Somethings I just had to let slide, and hope I wouldn't get blasted for.  Though I did get an emergency call (a message while I was changing a dirty diaper and dirtier kid) to see if I could work tonight.  Fortunately, since it's a message, I'm going to pretend I didn't catch it in time.  My feet still hurt from last night, my uniform is dirty (I only have one), and since I'm nervous about being 'talked to' for stuff I couldn't help, well, I just don't want to.  Though I should probably wash my uniform tonight, just in case I get another call tomorrow...

Because I didn't get home from work till after 1am, I didn't get to bed till after 2.  I've been dozing off and on all day, which isn't good with a 2.5 yr old running around.  Fortunately, the worst thing she did was take off her poo-y diaper, and some toilet paper and a shower took care of that, lol.

Anyway, on to the *precious moment*.

My eldest is having a friend over, and as the two of them were giggling and bouncing off the walls (literally), I got a little tired of hearing the windows rattle, and sent them down to the playroom.  The playroom happens to also be almost-ex's bedroom, and I heard, as they were going down the stairs...

"My daddy sleeps naked, you know"

Priceless.

I've been picking up quite a few more hours at work recently, mostly due to people quiting without notice or just getting sick.  So I'll actually have 22 hrs this week!  crazy, lol.  My mom had this week off, so she could watch the kiddies for me, while I slung potato salad and sliced up more types of sandwich meat than I'd realized existed.

I've yet to lose my taste for any of it, either.  Oh, there's stuff I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, I just don't like it, never have.  But there's other stuff, wonderful tasty other stuff... mmmmm.  It's really hard in that aspect.

I've been concentrating on trying to eat at home before I go in to work, but it isn't easy.  I still have all the wonderful smells (the hot stuff we sell at the deli, plus the bakery section right next to us... yum!).  Thank the gods we aren't allowed to eat on the job, otherwise I'd be even further behind in my weight loss goals!

Just got home from work at 1 am.  The downside of working till midnight, sigh.  I got to work the last two hours at the deli alone tonight, which meant trying to get everything done by myself.  It seemed to go okay, but I won't know till they open tomorrow, and they figure out whatever it is I *didn't* do.  Sigh.  I think I did okay though.

I also applied at Roger's Video.  It doesn't pay quite as much, and it has less job security (which isn't that incredible at Safeway, not at my level, but it's still something).  But selling videos would be fun, and the job has the perk of free rentals, which is always good.

On the subject of nanowrimo, I only wrote 250 odd words today, due to a headache and work, so thbbpt (the sound of a raspberry being blown, lol).

okay, I'm taking the word count graphic out of my footer of my posts.  it's a little too much, lol.  Instead, I'll just leave a prettier one in my profile.  Anyway, if someone knows how to put it into the sidebar, that would be great too.  

Work was funny last night.  Apparently, the woman in charge forgot that I was working last night.  Still, nobody sent me home, and so I got in a few hours.  As an added bonus, it was a slow night, so we closed up at ten pm and I had plenty of time to get home and panic.

And I feel a little guilty.  I really should be writing my novel, not posting here.  sigh.

I got off work at 12ish, now it's 2 am.  I really need to sleep before my baby pirate superhero (she decided on that combo) wakes up for her day long adventures of tomorrow.

I wasn't going to post, but I had come up with the perfect idea for a lj icon for work (see last entry's icon), and had to make it.  which reminded me of my psychophilosophical ramblings of earlier.

My job is, for a large portion of my hours, slicing up meat.  I dice sausage for a living.  Now, as a somewhat emotional woman experiencing a break-up, I was wondering whether this view of my job is therapeutic, or just plain crazy.

Hmmmm.

I can't believe I forgot to post about my first days at work!  lol.

woohoo!  I got a job.  I'll be working at safeway, in the deli section.  I think.  thursday is my orientation day, and saturday my first day of training.  I'm nervous, but wow, I got a job!

so I lost my job today.

my 'boss', though I've never really had a clear idea of who was exactly in charge of me, phoned this afternoon to let me know that there were some changes going on at the office, and they were going on 'hiatus' and so if I could let the receptionist know how many hours I'd worked, they'd get me my cheque asap.  then she remembers I'm friends with the receptionist, which means I'll know really quickly how bogus the 'hiatus' story sounds.  boy did she sound flustered.

Oh well, it's not like I really enjoyed the job.  I did enjoy the money though.  dam it.  now I have to find another job.  crap.  I first started getting anxiety attacks years ago; why?  job hunting.  the mere thought of taking a fast food job gets me hyperventilating and blinking back tears.  lovely.  fortunately, five years of parenting has done a lot to take the edge off of job hunting.  now only really scary jobs (ie, fast food joints, gas stations, etc) make me want to vomit.  here's hoping I get something better, or can talk myself into taking a shit job.