my body tells me I should be at work right now.  covering the sandwich meats and deli salads with plastic wrap, in fact.  Or distressing them... I can't remember right now, lol.

I spent a fair bit of mullah on my kiddies today; wheee!  it's fun to do xmas/solstice shopping, other than I have to get over the weirdness of buying almost ex a prezzie.  Yeah, in the spirit of the season, we're giving each other gifts.  I haven't a clue what to get him... and no, an ice pick in the back isn't right either.  

I've gotten used to not being married, sort of.  I miss the companionship, and I think it's a real bummer that he thinks I'm still wanting him back and therefore won't be in the same room with me for longer than necessary.  Oh well.  His loss.

I'm doing better at socializing with my co-workers and customers.  Sort of.  In my less than self-confident moments, I have to think that some of my co-workers think I'm inept.  And one girl, who was initially quite friendly, now gives me the cold shoulder whenever we meet.  I don't know why.  It bugs me, but hell, who needs her?  I don't know why, I honestly can't think of what I did to alienate her, but it's not my problem.  we can work together without being friends or even friendly.  So who cares?

I'm also managing to chat up the customers on occasion; it's fun, which is weird.  I'd forgotten how nice it can be to just have a casual conversation with a complete stranger.  It's slowly coming back to me though.  The last 'real' job I had was selling clothes in Lake Louise; this isn't much different, really, other than people at the grocery store tend to know what they want!  a definate plus.

I still need to develop a social life.  but it's slightly less than one week till xmas.  I should probably wait till after new years to find various venues to explore.   I'm still seriously thinking about toastmasters.  they'd make public speaking (like, my job????) easier, as well as making friends.

I'm thinking of putting up a profile too in some of the online dating sites; but not yet, we're not legally separated (still) and that's not fair to either me or the guy in question.  assuming there ever was a guy.

gotta think positive.  I've been reading tons of books on how to make friends, but remembering it is hard.  I get out in public, and I automatically hunch my shoulders, I don't smile and I duck away from meeting people's eyes.  Yeah, I have a lot to work on.  Fortunately, working with customers is really fixing that too.  I tell myself to check out what colour people's eyes are, and that really helps.

anyway, I haven't anything to rant about, or rave over either (though I did just read 'My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding', which is pretty good), so I'll sign off and consider trying to get to bed early.  I'll probably be working tomorrow night (or I might be switching shifts with a co-worker) and so I'll need a good night's rest behind me.

I got off work at 12ish, now it's 2 am.  I really need to sleep before my baby pirate superhero (she decided on that combo) wakes up for her day long adventures of tomorrow.

I wasn't going to post, but I had come up with the perfect idea for a lj icon for work (see last entry's icon), and had to make it.  which reminded me of my psychophilosophical ramblings of earlier.

My job is, for a large portion of my hours, slicing up meat.  I dice sausage for a living.  Now, as a somewhat emotional woman experiencing a break-up, I was wondering whether this view of my job is therapeutic, or just plain crazy.

Hmmmm.

Let's see, I'm doing pretty good, the numbness/shock of my situation is still keeping me together.  Plus, of course, I've accepted the inevitablilty of what the hel happened.

I think I can summerize it pretty well too.  I like my sex romantic and my relationships friendly.  He likes his sex friendly & his relationships romantic.  It's probably been working against us for a long long time.

On to more interesting stuff.

I really need to do some prep work for nanowrimo.  Since I'm not going to do an outline, I should do some character sketches.  now i just have to force myself to do it.  Only a few weeks left, after all.

I also need to start hitting the gym big time.  It's october, I haven't met my weightloss goals for the year, guh.  I wanted to lose another 15 lbs. by Xmas.  the only way I'm going to do that is to start seriously working out now, because november I'll be focused on writing, which will spill into december, no doubt.  guh.