I just feel down.  The podcast is going pretty well, we're up to fifty-ish listeners, and I am kind of proud of that.  Sam's the real heart of the show, but without me doing all the editing, uploading and shit, it wouldn't have ever gotten started.  My exercise program is totally derailed; perhaps that's part of my depression.  My eldest has had a fever all week, which meant a lot of catering to her and stuff, plus me trying not to panic constantly because we have no idea what's causing it (two doctors, neither can tell what it is either, which doesn't make me feel much better).  On the plus side, by thursday evening, we knew for sure it wasn't meningitis, which is a biggie.  And no, I can't spell worth a dam.

Perhaps that's why I'm so down.  Now that the excitement of getting new stuff, getting rid of the old and all the logistics of it is over, now that I can let my anxiety over my daughter go, I'm crashing.  It seems pretty logical, if not particularly comforting.

And I'm feeling bad cuz I promised myself to try LJing daily, and here I am, a mere month or so later, already messing up.  Sigh.  I do that a lot.  Mess up, fuck up, yadda yadda yadda.  Okay, nuff whining.  That's probably why I haven't been LJing; I hate having people see what a big whiner I am, especially when I don't have anything worth whining over.  

I really hate myself when I'm like this.  Loathe.  Feel contempt.  Yeah, I'm a real bundle of joy right now.