Okay, things are somewhat better now.

I slept on the couch last night, but I chose to be the one who did.  I've been able to do a lot of thinking.  I really have been dragging this marriage down.  No, I'm not the only one to not work on it, but I have definately been doing stuff that would drive anyone insane.

My low self-esteem isn't helpful.  It's part of the problem.  Of course, the fact that nearly all of our straight female friends want to sleep with Bob doesn't help either.  Thankfully, he's mostly oblivious to this.  Heck, even Sam would make a play for him if he were single, and only knowing she's not the poaching type is keeping me from hating her.  Though I gotta admit, now my hackles are up about her, which really doesn't help since she's the only really good female friend I have.

From now on, I'm only going to be best friends with lesbians.  Then I'll *know* they don't want to sleep with him. 

So far, terror and hope are warring.  He doesn't want to give me any hope.  Like that doesn't kill me to hear.